You will inevitably fight with your spouse over money. Here's how to avoid disaster.

你將不可避免地得跟愛人爭家產，我們來手把手教你如何避免災難。

With apologies to the romantics, on the other side of "I do" are a few incontrovertible truths about your new life together: You will fight. Money will be a big reason. It doesn't have to spell disaster.

雖然這樣說會破壞婚姻的浪漫感，但“我愿意”的另一面是一個無可爭議的事實：你們之間會有戰爭。金錢會是其中的一個大原因。但也不一定就會演變成災難。

So how to hash it out in a healthy way? The answer involves having a few key discussions before any conflicts arise, as well as learning some strategies for when you're in the thick of it:

我們該如何用健全的方法處理這個問題呢？這個問題的回答包括了在沖突發生前可以進行幾次重要的討論，和學習一些策略以備不時之需。

1. Have an open conversation about your financial attitudes and past experiences with money.

暢談你對財務問題的態度以及過去的理財經驗。

If you know that your partner grew up in a house where money was tight, or came from an upper-middle-class family that privileged comforts and never discussed budgeting, you'll be in a better position to understand their perspective and behavior when friction does arise.

如果你知道你的配偶是在一個金錢相對緊缺的家庭中長大，或是來自一個只優先考慮舒適度而不考慮經濟預算的中產偏上階級的家庭，你就能在摩擦產生時更好地設身處地地理解他們的想法和行為。

2. Have a goal-setting conversation.

一起討論制定目標。

"It's a good reality check for a couple to sit down once a year, no matter where they are on the financial spectrum, and discuss what they are working toward," legal expert Ann-Margaret Carrozza told Forbes. Couples should also talk about how their big-picture goals realistically will affect everyday spending.

“無論夫妻兩人的財政情況處于哪個范圍，每年一次坐下來面對面的交流可以對家庭現狀進行很好地反思，也能討論他們接下來努力的方向，”法律專家Ann-Margaret Carrozza在《福布斯》上說道。夫妻也應該談談他們的大目標是如何影響他們的日常開支的。

3. Set a household budget and review your finances together once a month.

做到每月一次制定家庭預算并審查你們的財務狀況。

Budgets not only effectively help you to track money, but also can prevent conflict by setting clear boundaries for spending and keeping both partners apprised of where their money is going.

預算不僅能有效幫助你追蹤錢的去向，它還能劃清消費的邊界，使夫妻雙方都明白錢花到哪里去了，這樣一來就能避免沖突。

4. Know when to step away from a fight, but don't take too long.

知道什么時候要冷靜下來暫停吵架，但不要花太長時間。

So your spouse has brought up your surprise big-screen TV purchase and the discussion quickly gets heated. It's okay to take some time to cool off, but don't go for more than a day without touching base.

比如說，你的另一半吃驚地發現你買了個大屏電視，于是來跟你理論，然后話題迅速升溫。這個時候花一些時間去冷靜下來是挺好，但不要花超過一天的時間不聯系對方。

5. Disagree agreeably.

委婉地表達你的不同意。

Avoid judgment, nitpicking, and exaggerations (it helps to eliminate "always" and "never" — as in, "you always feel the need to buy the latest electronics!" — from your vocabulary). This also means respecting one another's opinion. Disrespect breeds disrespect. If you ask your spouse why he thinks it's important that he spends money on something, and while he's answering, you cut him off, don't expect to be able to finish your own thoughts during the conversation."

避免貼標簽、吹毛求疵和夸大之詞（這會有助于從你的詞匯表里消除一些像“總是”和“從不”一樣的極端詞匯——比如在對話“你總是覺得自己必須買最新的電子產品！”）這也意味著要尊重對方的想法。一方的不尊重會催生另一方的不尊重。當你問你的配偶為什么一定要花錢買某樣東西的時候，如果你在他回答的時候打斷了他，那就別期望你能夠在你自己說話時不被打斷完整地表達你的觀點。

6. Stick to the topic at hand.

把注意力集中在當前遇到的問題。

It's easy for fights to spiral out of control whether by turning into a rehash of past problems or prompting a rundown of related concerns (or both). But getting sidetracked will make it nearly impossible to resolve the issue that's in front of you. Similarly, don't turn your spouse into the enemy; you're not there to attack them, but rather to talk through a specific problem.

當你們討論一個問題時，無論是轉變成談陳年舊賬還是不相關事件全都拿出來談，都容易使吵架進入失控的狀態。話題一旦跑偏，解決問題就會變得十分困難。類似地，不要把你的另一半變成敵人；你的目的不是要攻擊他們，而是要討論一個具體的問題。

7. Accept your partner's differences and find a compromise.

接納與你配偶間的差異并做出讓步。

Help one another get into a compromising mindset through listening and validation. Repeat back to your spouse what he or she has said, so they know they've been heard, and truly try to empathize with their point of view. Helping your partner feel understood can help relieve defensiveness so you can move together toward resolution. As for what that resolution looks like, don't be afraid of compromise.

在聆聽和確認的過程中幫助對方形成一個讓步的心態。重復你的伴侶說了什么，這樣他們就會知道你已經聽到了他們所說的，也能夠真正地理解他們的想法。讓你的配偶感受到被理解能夠幫助緩解他們的防御心理，你們也因此能夠聚到一起討論解決方法。至于最后的解決方法是什么樣，不要害怕妥協。

You will inevitably fight with your spouse over money. Here's how to avoid disaster.

你將不可避免地得跟愛人爭家產，我們來手把手教你如何避免災難。

With apologies to the romantics, on the other side of "I do" are a few incontrovertible truths about your new life together: You will fight. Money will be a big reason. It doesn't have to spell disaster.

雖然這樣說會破壞婚姻的浪漫感，但“我愿意”的另一面是一個無可爭議的事實：你們之間會有戰爭。金錢會是其中的一個大原因。但也不一定就會演變成災難。

So how to hash it out in a healthy way? The answer involves having a few key discussions before any conflicts arise, as well as learning some strategies for when you're in the thick of it:

我們該如何用健全的方法處理這個問題呢？這個問題的回答包括了在沖突發生前可以進行幾次重要的討論，和學習一些策略以備不時之需。

1. Have an open conversation about your financial attitudes and past experiences with money.

暢談你對財務問題的態度以及過去的理財經驗。

If you know that your partner grew up in a house where money was tight, or came from an upper-middle-class family that privileged comforts and never discussed budgeting, you'll be in a better position to understand their perspective and behavior when friction does arise.

如果你知道你的配偶是在一個金錢相對緊缺的家庭中長大，或是來自一個只優先考慮舒適度而不考慮經濟預算的中產偏上階級的家庭，你就能在摩擦產生時更好地設身處地地理解他們的想法和行為。

2. Have a goal-setting conversation.

一起討論制定目標。

"It's a good reality check for a couple to sit down once a year, no matter where they are on the financial spectrum, and discuss what they are working toward," legal expert Ann-Margaret Carrozza told Forbes. Couples should also talk about how their big-picture goals realistically will affect everyday spending.

“無論夫妻兩人的財政情況處于哪個范圍，每年一次坐下來面對面的交流可以對家庭現狀進行很好地反思，也能討論他們接下來努力的方向，”法律專家Ann-Margaret Carrozza在《福布斯》上說道。夫妻也應該談談他們的大目標是如何影響他們的日常開支的。

3. Set a household budget and review your finances together once a month.

做到每月一次制定家庭預算并審查你們的財務狀況。

Budgets not only effectively help you to track money, but also can prevent conflict by setting clear boundaries for spending and keeping both partners apprised of where their money is going.

預算不僅能有效幫助你追蹤錢的去向，它還能劃清消費的邊界，使夫妻雙方都明白錢花到哪里去了，這樣一來就能避免沖突。

4. Know when to step away from a fight, but don't take too long.

知道什么時候要冷靜下來暫停吵架，但不要花太長時間。

So your spouse has brought up your surprise big-screen TV purchase and the discussion quickly gets heated. It's okay to take some time to cool off, but don't go for more than a day without touching base.

比如說，你的另一半吃驚地發現你買了個大屏電視，于是來跟你理論，然后話題迅速升溫。這個時候花一些時間去冷靜下來是挺好，但不要花超過一天的時間不聯系對方。

5. Disagree agreeably.

委婉地表達你的不同意。

Avoid judgment, nitpicking, and exaggerations (it helps to eliminate "always" and "never" — as in, "you always feel the need to buy the latest electronics!" — from your vocabulary). This also means respecting one another's opinion. Disrespect breeds disrespect. If you ask your spouse why he thinks it's important that he spends money on something, and while he's answering, you cut him off, don't expect to be able to finish your own thoughts during the conversation."

避免貼標簽、吹毛求疵和夸大之詞（這會有助于從你的詞匯表里消除一些像“總是”和“從不”一樣的極端詞匯——比如在對話“你總是覺得自己必須買最新的電子產品！”）這也意味著要尊重對方的想法。一方的不尊重會催生另一方的不尊重。當你問你的配偶為什么一定要花錢買某樣東西的時候，如果你在他回答的時候打斷了他，那就別期望你能夠在你自己說話時不被打斷完整地表達你的觀點。

6. Stick to the topic at hand.

把注意力集中在當前遇到的問題。

It's easy for fights to spiral out of control whether by turning into a rehash of past problems or prompting a rundown of related concerns (or both). But getting sidetracked will make it nearly impossible to resolve the issue that's in front of you. Similarly, don't turn your spouse into the enemy; you're not there to attack them, but rather to talk through a specific problem.

當你們討論一個問題時，無論是轉變成談陳年舊賬還是不相關事件全都拿出來談，都容易使吵架進入失控的狀態。話題一旦跑偏，解決問題就會變得十分困難。類似地，不要把你的另一半變成敵人；你的目的不是要攻擊他們，而是要討論一個具體的問題。

7. Accept your partner's differences and find a compromise.

接納與你配偶間的差異并做出讓步。

Help one another get into a compromising mindset through listening and validation. Repeat back to your spouse what he or she has said, so they know they've been heard, and truly try to empathize with their point of view. Helping your partner feel understood can help relieve defensiveness so you can move together toward resolution. As for what that resolution looks like, don't be afraid of compromise.

在聆聽和確認的過程中幫助對方形成一個讓步的心態。重復你的伴侶說了什么，這樣他們就會知道你已經聽到了他們所說的，也能夠真正地理解他們的想法。讓你的配偶感受到被理解能夠幫助緩解他們的防御心理，你們也因此能夠聚到一起討論解決方法。至于最后的解決方法是什么樣，不要害怕妥協。