如何在爭吵時不傷害感情

Great couples never fight? It's exactly the opposite - in fact, fighting done right can even improve your relationship.

感情好的情侶從來都不吵架？情況恰恰相反--事實上，如果吵架的方式正確，你們的感情還會因此而升溫。

Fight about one thing at a time

一次只爭吵一件事

"Don't fight about more than one issue at once. It's easy when we're upset or frustrated to remember a list of grievances from the past, but it's counterproductive. Instead, try to stick to the issue at hand."

"千萬不要一次性爭吵一件以上的事情。傷心、沮喪的時候，我們很容易就會想到以前的種種不滿，但這樣做反而會適得其反。相反，你可以試著爭吵手頭的問題。"

Be emotionally honest

忠于自己的感受

"Emotional honesty is important. Don't hide from an argument. Sometimes, when asked 'what's wrong?' our common answer is 'nothing.' But when you're in a strong, healthy relationship, there's the opportunity for emotional honesty. You can dig deep, be brave, and speak up for yourself. Your truth may be met with confrontation at first, but, in the long run, emotional honesty offers the only chance for change, repair, and growth."

"忠于自己的感受是很重要的。不要逃避爭吵。有時候，當另一半問自己'怎么了？'的時候，我們通常會回答'沒事兒。'但如果你們的感情牢固、健康，那就有機會忠于自己的感受。你可以說得深入一點、要勇敢一點，說出自己的心里話。剛開始，你的坦誠也許會受到質疑，但長遠看來，忠于自己的感情為改變、修復和成長提供了唯一的機會。"

Take responsibility for your part

承擔自己應該承擔的責任

"While it can be easier to blame your partner, challenge yourself by reflecting on how you may be contributing to the conflict. Ask yourself how you can approach the argument more effectively."

"雖然責備另一半會更容易，但挑戰自己吧，反省自己是不是該對這次爭吵負責。問問自己如何能更有效的談論爭吵的話題。"

Keep fights short

不要吵太久

"Don't drag out fights. If a couple has a fight, some time apart could be necessary for everyone to calm down and think more rationally. But, a refusal to make up, especially as punishment, can create bigger problems in the long-term. By drawing out apologies and delaying the start of communication, it also prolongs the negative feelings, especially if one person wants to make up. Communicating and ending an argument in a relatively short amount of time is preferable, especially before both partners go to sleep."

"不要拖延你們的爭吵。如果情侶之間吵架了，有時候分開對于每個人來說都是必要的，可以冷靜下來、更理智的思考。但長遠看來，拒絕和好會造成更大的問題，尤其是將其視作懲罰時情況更是如此。延長道歉和溝通的時間會使負面情緒相應延長，當一方想要和好時更是如此。"

Don't sweat the details

不要仔細琢磨細節

"Arguments help you figure out what you're actually fighting about - an invaluable lesson! When you delete the details of an argument, you quickly realize it wasn't about being on the phone too much, spending too much time with friends, or not picking up around the house. It's about not feeling seen and heard, not feeling cared for, feeling taken advantage of. It takes practice not to get caught up in the details of an argument, but if you stop to feel rather than think, you can address the underlying issue and stop having the same fights - with different details - over and over again."

"爭論能幫助你弄明白自己在吵什么--一個寶貴的教訓！當忽略爭吵的細節時，你會很快意識到，你們爭吵的原因根本就不是因為玩手機太多、和好朋友相處的時間太久或是沒有收拾屋子。而是因為感覺另一半不聽自己說話、不看自己、不關心自己，或感覺自己被利用了。不陷于爭吵的細節是需要練習的，但如果你不再憑感受，而是去思考，那么你就能解決潛在的問題，并停止一次又一次細節不同的相同爭吵。"

Great couples never fight? It's exactly the opposite - in fact, fighting done right can even improve your relationship.

感情好的情侶從來都不吵架？情況恰恰相反--事實上，如果吵架的方式正確，你們的感情還會因此而升溫。

Fight about one thing at a time

一次只爭吵一件事

"Don't fight about more than one issue at once. It's easy when we're upset or frustrated to remember a list of grievances from the past, but it's counterproductive. Instead, try to stick to the issue at hand."

"千萬不要一次性爭吵一件以上的事情。傷心、沮喪的時候，我們很容易就會想到以前的種種不滿，但這樣做反而會適得其反。相反，你可以試著爭吵手頭的問題。"

Be emotionally honest

忠于自己的感受

"Emotional honesty is important. Don't hide from an argument. Sometimes, when asked 'what's wrong?' our common answer is 'nothing.' But when you're in a strong, healthy relationship, there's the opportunity for emotional honesty. You can dig deep, be brave, and speak up for yourself. Your truth may be met with confrontation at first, but, in the long run, emotional honesty offers the only chance for change, repair, and growth."

"忠于自己的感受是很重要的。不要逃避爭吵。有時候，當另一半問自己'怎么了？'的時候，我們通常會回答'沒事兒。'但如果你們的感情牢固、健康，那就有機會忠于自己的感受。你可以說得深入一點、要勇敢一點，說出自己的心里話。剛開始，你的坦誠也許會受到質疑，但長遠看來，忠于自己的感情為改變、修復和成長提供了唯一的機會。"

Take responsibility for your part

承擔自己應該承擔的責任

"While it can be easier to blame your partner, challenge yourself by reflecting on how you may be contributing to the conflict. Ask yourself how you can approach the argument more effectively."

"雖然責備另一半會更容易，但挑戰自己吧，反省自己是不是該對這次爭吵負責。問問自己如何能更有效的談論爭吵的話題。"

Keep fights short

不要吵太久

"Don't drag out fights. If a couple has a fight, some time apart could be necessary for everyone to calm down and think more rationally. But, a refusal to make up, especially as punishment, can create bigger problems in the long-term. By drawing out apologies and delaying the start of communication, it also prolongs the negative feelings, especially if one person wants to make up. Communicating and ending an argument in a relatively short amount of time is preferable, especially before both partners go to sleep."

"不要拖延你們的爭吵。如果情侶之間吵架了，有時候分開對于每個人來說都是必要的，可以冷靜下來、更理智的思考。但長遠看來，拒絕和好會造成更大的問題，尤其是將其視作懲罰時情況更是如此。延長道歉和溝通的時間會使負面情緒相應延長，當一方想要和好時更是如此。"

Don't sweat the details

不要仔細琢磨細節

"Arguments help you figure out what you're actually fighting about - an invaluable lesson! When you delete the details of an argument, you quickly realize it wasn't about being on the phone too much, spending too much time with friends, or not picking up around the house. It's about not feeling seen and heard, not feeling cared for, feeling taken advantage of. It takes practice not to get caught up in the details of an argument, but if you stop to feel rather than think, you can address the underlying issue and stop having the same fights - with different details - over and over again."

"爭論能幫助你弄明白自己在吵什么--一個寶貴的教訓！當忽略爭吵的細節時，你會很快意識到，你們爭吵的原因根本就不是因為玩手機太多、和好朋友相處的時間太久或是沒有收拾屋子。而是因為感覺另一半不聽自己說話、不看自己、不關心自己，或感覺自己被利用了。不陷于爭吵的細節是需要練習的，但如果你不再憑感受，而是去思考，那么你就能解決潛在的問題，并停止一次又一次細節不同的相同爭吵。"