寫作原文

　?、貺ooking at this thought-provoking picture symbolically depicted by the drawer, I do realize the urgency to improve the moral standards nowadays. ②A pregnant woman, an old man and his little granddaughter standson the crowded bus, looking at a young man who sits in the seat comfortably with a piece of black cloth covering his eyes, puzzled and indignant.①The temporary blind in the picture indicates a serious phenomenon in the modern society that some young people are suffering from moral decline. ②The reasons contributing to moral decline are worth pondering. ③First, respecting the old and caring the young is abandoned by some modern people, because they only care about their own benefits. ④Only if you could provide them with a great outcome, will they lend you a hand in exchange. ⑤In addition, the educational system is also to blame. ⑥It emphasizes more on high marks at the expense of having few time to teach traditional moral values in school which leads to peoples defect on this issue.①It is high time that we fostered our moral values. ②For one thing, schools and governments should play an active role in advocating moral values and traditional virtues to teach the young. ③For another, individuals should learn more about virtues and help people around with a warm heart. ④Only through our joint effort, could we recollect the virtues.

　　原作點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　第一段描述圖畫的內(nèi)容。第①句，picture應(yīng)該是被drawer描繪的，所以應(yīng)該用被動(dòng)語態(tài)be+動(dòng)詞的過去的、分詞來表示;第②句最后，表達(dá)不夠清晰，應(yīng)注意。第二段揭示圖畫的寓意，闡述產(chǎn)生此現(xiàn)象的幾個(gè)原因。應(yīng)注意單復(fù)數(shù)問題。第三段結(jié)合前兩段的闡述，提出建議。

　　總體點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　文章亮點(diǎn)：文章結(jié)構(gòu)完整，每個(gè)段落的功能基本得以體現(xiàn)。文章錯(cuò)誤：①語法錯(cuò)誤：文章出現(xiàn)了一些語法錯(cuò)誤，比如被動(dòng)語態(tài)、名詞單復(fù)數(shù)形式等。②句法錯(cuò)誤：有的句子表達(dá)不夠清楚。比如第一段第②句，第二段第⑤句。修改意見：文章整體結(jié)構(gòu)不錯(cuò)，但是要注意一些細(xì)節(jié)，避免不必要的錯(cuò)誤。本文中，單復(fù)數(shù)一致問題較多，希望作者在完成習(xí)作時(shí)應(yīng)多檢查，盡量減少此類錯(cuò)誤。

　　寫作原文

　　①Looking at this thought-provoking picture symbolically depicted by the drawer, I do realize the urgency to improve the moral standards nowadays. ②A pregnant woman, an old man and his little granddaughter standson the crowded bus, looking at a young man who sits in the seat comfortably with a piece of black cloth covering his eyes, puzzled and indignant.①The temporary blind in the picture indicates a serious phenomenon in the modern society that some young people are suffering from moral decline. ②The reasons contributing to moral decline are worth pondering. ③First, respecting the old and caring the young is abandoned by some modern people, because they only care about their own benefits. ④Only if you could provide them with a great outcome, will they lend you a hand in exchange. ⑤In addition, the educational system is also to blame. ⑥It emphasizes more on high marks at the expense of having few time to teach traditional moral values in school which leads to peoples defect on this issue.①It is high time that we fostered our moral values. ②For one thing, schools and governments should play an active role in advocating moral values and traditional virtues to teach the young. ③For another, individuals should learn more about virtues and help people around with a warm heart. ④Only through our joint effort, could we recollect the virtues.

　　原作點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　第一段描述圖畫的內(nèi)容。第①句，picture應(yīng)該是被drawer描繪的，所以應(yīng)該用被動(dòng)語態(tài)be+動(dòng)詞的過去的、分詞來表示;第②句最后，表達(dá)不夠清晰，應(yīng)注意。第二段揭示圖畫的寓意，闡述產(chǎn)生此現(xiàn)象的幾個(gè)原因。應(yīng)注意單復(fù)數(shù)問題。第三段結(jié)合前兩段的闡述，提出建議。

　　總體點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　文章亮點(diǎn)：文章結(jié)構(gòu)完整，每個(gè)段落的功能基本得以體現(xiàn)。文章錯(cuò)誤：①語法錯(cuò)誤：文章出現(xiàn)了一些語法錯(cuò)誤，比如被動(dòng)語態(tài)、名詞單復(fù)數(shù)形式等。②句法錯(cuò)誤：有的句子表達(dá)不夠清楚。比如第一段第②句，第二段第⑤句。修改意見：文章整體結(jié)構(gòu)不錯(cuò)，但是要注意一些細(xì)節(jié)，避免不必要的錯(cuò)誤。本文中，單復(fù)數(shù)一致問題較多，希望作者在完成習(xí)作時(shí)應(yīng)多檢查，盡量減少此類錯(cuò)誤。