考前30天之備戰2024高考英語精品學案：專題五 書面表達升格指導 第三節 圖畫式作文升格指導 病文升格
第三節 圖畫式作文升格指導
[病文展示]
We can see from the picture, a boy is washing clothes, listen music, and the taps are not closed①. However, on the wall, there is a sign: please save water.
We often see this kind of thing. As the development of our society, people are having better and better life②. But waste water is becoming a serious problem③. Many people don’t know water is rare. A lot of people in the world are lack ④. And also many factories pour dirty water into the river.
I think, we should take measures to save water. Don’t waste water, and don’t pollute the rivers, too⑤. If we don’t save every drop of water, the last drop of water would be our tear.
[病文點評]
這篇習作能從整體上把握寫作要求，畫面要點沒遺漏，也能觀察出畫面的內在含義。寫作時一定的條理性，按照圖畫作文寫作的三步驟來寫，即： 描述畫面、說明原因、采取措施。主要問題在于語言基本功不扎實，語法、詞匯用法錯誤較多，字數也偏少。因此得分在13分左右.
① 句中出現語法、詞匯用法錯誤，listen后面應該to；washing和listening都應用進行時。建議改為 As we can see from the picture, a boy is washing clothes, and listening to music, with the taps running.
②句中as是連詞，而the development of our society 不是句子，改為With the development of our society, people are having better and better life.
③句中動詞做主語應該用-ing形式，可以改為But wasting water is becoming a serious problem。
4句中lack用作動詞時，句子應為A lot of people in the world lack water.
5句中too 改為 either。
[升格范文]
Here comes a picture: a boy, who is washing his clothes, listens to the music with two taps running. What shocks us is that just on the wall, an obvious sign says: please save water. However, the water still keeps running.
This is not an unusual phenomenon. We can see it in our daily life. With the rapid development of our society, people’s life is getting better and better. However, the extravagant life style is becoming a serious problem. Many people don’t realize the lack of water, and some even don't know that in many places of the world, water is rare. What’s worse, without considering the pollution of water, some factories pour dirty water into the river, causing the shortage of fresh water.
As a student, it is time we took useful measures to save our limited fresh water. Without water, there would be no life. Don’t make it come true that the last drop of water is our tear.
[范文點評]
1、本文照描述圖片、分析現象、提出措施的步驟來寫，顯得結構嚴謹、條理清晰。
2、本文的一大亮點是：句式變化多端不單一，高級句式層出，比如：
a boy, who is washing his clothes, listens to the music with two taps running包含非限制性定于從句和with復合結構；
What shocks us is that just on the wall, an obvious sign says: please save water.此句為主語從句；
What’s worse, without considering the pollution of water, some factories pour dirty water into the river, causing the shortage of fresh water.此句中兩次出現非謂語結構；
As a student, it is time we took useful measures to save our limited fresh water. it is time that 是虛擬語氣的高級句式，能準確運用，很好；
Don’t make it come true that the last drop of water is our tear. 此句中it為形式賓語。the last drop of water is our tear為比喻，非常形象，令人感覺觸目驚心，更覺得保護水資源的重要。
【應考對策】圖畫式作文往往所含信息限，學生要充分利用圖畫前面或后面的說明文字，它們可以幫助你更好地理解畫面；然后，根據畫面內容描述畫面，要點不能遺漏；接著，依據畫面所反映的問題分析原因，提出解決問題的方案。當然在寫作過程中，要盡量使用一些高級的詞匯和變化的句式，并使用一定的連接詞，使得行文流暢、優美。
【答后總結】“悟到”才是真正的得到。通過上面的升格訓練，你能總結出高分作文的寫作技巧嗎？請你認真總結。
觀察下面的一幅圖畫，結合你身邊的事例，談談你對培養孩子成才的看法。
【范文】
Dream and Reality
Nowadays, there is an increasing tendency for parents to design the future for their children. Regardless of the children's interest, some parents want them to attend all kinds of extra classes, laying a heavy burden on their shoulders. As a result, the children almost have no time to play.
A typical case is my neighbor Mr and Mrs Wang. They want their child to be an artist. They choose a music class on Saturday and a painting class on Sunday for the child. In fact, the child has no interest at all. The child is kept busy all day. After a few years, their efforts are in vain.
I think parents should let their children develop their interests by themselves, and give them enough time and space to learn what they want to learn. Children should be encouraged to get close to nature. We should help children turn their dreams of enjoying the beauty of nature into realities. Only in this way can children have a happy and enjoyable life.
第三節 圖畫式作文升格指導
[病文展示]
We can see from the picture, a boy is washing clothes, listen music, and the taps are not closed①. However, on the wall, there is a sign: please save water.
We often see this kind of thing. As the development of our society, people are having better and better life②. But waste water is becoming a serious problem③. Many people don’t know water is rare. A lot of people in the world are lack ④. And also many factories pour dirty water into the river.
I think, we should take measures to save water. Don’t waste water, and don’t pollute the rivers, too⑤. If we don’t save every drop of water, the last drop of water would be our tear.
[病文點評]
這篇習作能從整體上把握寫作要求，畫面要點沒遺漏，也能觀察出畫面的內在含義。寫作時一定的條理性，按照圖畫作文寫作的三步驟來寫，即： 描述畫面、說明原因、采取措施。主要問題在于語言基本功不扎實，語法、詞匯用法錯誤較多，字數也偏少。因此得分在13分左右.
① 句中出現語法、詞匯用法錯誤，listen后面應該to；washing和listening都應用進行時。建議改為 As we can see from the picture, a boy is washing clothes, and listening to music, with the taps running.
②句中as是連詞，而the development of our society 不是句子，改為With the development of our society, people are having better and better life.
③句中動詞做主語應該用-ing形式，可以改為But wasting water is becoming a serious problem。
4句中lack用作動詞時，句子應為A lot of people in the world lack water.
5句中too 改為 either。
[升格范文]
Here comes a picture: a boy, who is washing his clothes, listens to the music with two taps running. What shocks us is that just on the wall, an obvious sign says: please save water. However, the water still keeps running.
This is not an unusual phenomenon. We can see it in our daily life. With the rapid development of our society, people’s life is getting better and better. However, the extravagant life style is becoming a serious problem. Many people don’t realize the lack of water, and some even don't know that in many places of the world, water is rare. What’s worse, without considering the pollution of water, some factories pour dirty water into the river, causing the shortage of fresh water.
As a student, it is time we took useful measures to save our limited fresh water. Without water, there would be no life. Don’t make it come true that the last drop of water is our tear.
[范文點評]
1、本文照描述圖片、分析現象、提出措施的步驟來寫，顯得結構嚴謹、條理清晰。
2、本文的一大亮點是：句式變化多端不單一，高級句式層出，比如：
a boy, who is washing his clothes, listens to the music with two taps running包含非限制性定于從句和with復合結構；
What shocks us is that just on the wall, an obvious sign says: please save water.此句為主語從句；
What’s worse, without considering the pollution of water, some factories pour dirty water into the river, causing the shortage of fresh water.此句中兩次出現非謂語結構；
As a student, it is time we took useful measures to save our limited fresh water. it is time that 是虛擬語氣的高級句式，能準確運用，很好；
Don’t make it come true that the last drop of water is our tear. 此句中it為形式賓語。the last drop of water is our tear為比喻，非常形象，令人感覺觸目驚心，更覺得保護水資源的重要。
【應考對策】圖畫式作文往往所含信息限，學生要充分利用圖畫前面或后面的說明文字，它們可以幫助你更好地理解畫面；然后，根據畫面內容描述畫面，要點不能遺漏；接著，依據畫面所反映的問題分析原因，提出解決問題的方案。當然在寫作過程中，要盡量使用一些高級的詞匯和變化的句式，并使用一定的連接詞，使得行文流暢、優美。
【答后總結】“悟到”才是真正的得到。通過上面的升格訓練，你能總結出高分作文的寫作技巧嗎？請你認真總結。
觀察下面的一幅圖畫，結合你身邊的事例，談談你對培養孩子成才的看法。
【范文】
Dream and Reality
Nowadays, there is an increasing tendency for parents to design the future for their children. Regardless of the children's interest, some parents want them to attend all kinds of extra classes, laying a heavy burden on their shoulders. As a result, the children almost have no time to play.
A typical case is my neighbor Mr and Mrs Wang. They want their child to be an artist. They choose a music class on Saturday and a painting class on Sunday for the child. In fact, the child has no interest at all. The child is kept busy all day. After a few years, their efforts are in vain.
I think parents should let their children develop their interests by themselves, and give them enough time and space to learn what they want to learn. Children should be encouraged to get close to nature. We should help children turn their dreams of enjoying the beauty of nature into realities. Only in this way can children have a happy and enjoyable life.
